and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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