we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
