Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We left the knife in your bed.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
