its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
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