Just cropdusted the office
Redeem this text for a blowjob
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
