we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize