I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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