We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
