I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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