So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
