stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
is wine microwaveable?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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