absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
