be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
