if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize