I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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