So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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