I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
