Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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