Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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