i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
