first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
