Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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