He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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