Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
