I only kidnapped one of them. chill
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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