Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
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We left an ass print on the piano.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
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The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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