plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
