its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
