yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
