If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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