you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
3 2 1 whiskey
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize