Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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