How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
