I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
