she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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