omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
