She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
