By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Randomize
