she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
