3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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