omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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