Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
