nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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