And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
