it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
