you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
