Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
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Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
