So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
