I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize