I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
