I forgot how hot balto sounded
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
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