Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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