first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
