You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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