Moan for me like Helen Keller
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
