my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize