Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
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