Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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