He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
