dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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