I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
