I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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