she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
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