Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
