Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
