11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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