I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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