Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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