yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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