It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
