Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
