Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
