mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
