well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
