is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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