If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
