I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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