But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
