Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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