Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
My bed smells like the plague
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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