9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
