Tell her she can't have a vagina
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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