The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
