Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
