My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
