All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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