it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
