they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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